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She poised her finger at the keyboard to type three letters “Hey.” Nothing was harder than gathering up that courage to type those three single letters. It wasn't just a greeting, it was a test, a test to see if she was strong enough to talk to him after four weeks...'four weeks' she thought, had it really been that short of a time ago? It felt as if she hadn't laid eyes on him in a year! Was that a good or bad thing? She didn't know.
It had been torture for her these last four weeks. Almost every step she took was a memory of him, or of them. She wasn't able to sit on their favorite chair for the first week because when she looked at it, she saw him, laying there smiling at her and gesturing for her to lay with him and cuddle. His sweet voice echoing in her ears “you're so beautiful babe, don't let anyone ever tell you different” she could just hear his voice calling her “babe” all the time.
Sometimes she would look outside where he always used to park and swear she would see him pull up and step out of the car, smiling at her as he walked to the door and politely knocked. Other times she would be standing in the kitchen making something and she would look over and watch him walk up to her with his arms open, but fade away like a ghost as soon as she touched the illusion.

“I can almost feel his arms around me” she said to her friend as she stood in the middle of the room, talking about the times where he would come up behind her and hug her waist tightly. “It's like a ghost of him, but a ghost of a body still alive.”

She looked on at the laptop screen in-front of her, his name on the top corner of the chat page in facebook. All of their messages proceeded upward with a single click of a button. Even the ones where he said goodbye, she had to get past those first in order to go to the good ones. She felt like she couldn’t do it, she felt that she had come all this way with this one idea in her mind and that she was just fine but when she would read those messages, everything would go tumbling down again. She would have to relearn what she had spent all that time studying for. Thank goodness he wasn't online. She wondered if he ever came up here and looked at their messages thinking 'man I miss her'. She wondered if he ever would come up here and type a whole paragraph to her, only to erase it after staring at it for an hour, fearing the send button as if it was a button to launch a bomb...
Her finger tapped on the keyboard as she looked at his small profile picture next to his name on the last message he ever sent; “Goodnight Dana, I'm so sorry...”
Tears began to fill her eyes and her mind began to wander...

She lay her head on the boys chest, breathing in the cologne he had put on hours before he came. The sweet, familiar scent filled her nose as she took another deep breath of happiness, ah this moment was one she loved, though they would have fun and laugh throughout the hours of the day, they always seemed to have this one hour of relaxation. He would lay down on the ottoman in her living room and motion for her to come lay down next to him, and when she did his arm would always wrap tightly around her body, holding her as close as he could. “Nothing was better than that” she would always say. It was the highlight of her day.
They had been together for about three months and every day was another step for them, summer romance was what it was, though they knew that at the end of the summer they would have to part ways as he would be going off to college and she would stay here. It passed through their minds every now and then, and occasionally the two would talk about it and what they think would happen but it never got in the way of the two, they simply took every chance they could to be with each other.
Almost every other day they would hang out, he would come swim, or they would go out somewhere, and when they weren’t together, they were talking on facebook. It was gold. She had never experienced something so beautiful and amazing as what she had discovered with this guy.
Some days her mind would wonder back to her first time meeting this guy at school, how he slowly inched his way into their table, and into her life.
It began so simply, he was friends with almost every one at her table, every body knew him, and every body loved him. She never, EVER, thought that he would like her under any terms. He was a senior and she was a Freshman. BIG difference. She didn't even like him at first, yeah sure she thought he was cute and funny and charming, but she didn't think he payed her any mind at all. Until more and more he came to the table, every time he would she would catch him looking at her, then quickly turning away when she discovered his peering. She began to have a crush for him the more she talked with him and saw him. When one day she found out that he thought she was pretty, apparently he had told someone at their table that she was pretty and asked about her. She was ecstatic, but still, she didn't think she would ever be with him. The thought never crossed her mind about him and her being together.
The weeks passed by and turned into months, the school year was coming to an end and she and this guy were almost official. He liked her A LOT, and she liked him. He became more and more physical with her, rubbing her shoulders, stoking her back as he walked by, rubbing her leg as she sat down at the table. It was what she always DREAMED about. They became good friends and talked a lot on facebook. Soon the school year was coming to it's final weeks, The two were now publicly holding hands, hugging, and occasionally cuddling. He had taken her out on a few dates, and had been over to her house a few times. People were supporting them, and even her parent's loved him. She didn't think it could get any better. Then the summer came.
It started off amazing, they went out together, he came over almost every day to swim and hang out, they cuddled, talked, laughed, shared things with each other and became best friends.

She shook her head, the time-line was going on and on, almost painfully in her mind, grating on her heart like a serrated knife. It was like she was telling a story to herself, like she was mapping out their story. 'Every story must have an end' she thought to her self. 'Much like ours'. She glanced back up at the laptop screen to see it black out to the simple screen saver she had. And again her mind began to wander...

The days zoomed by and almost as soon as she knew it, it was the middle of June. Days were slimming, though they still had a month ahead of them, time was getting short. He would be leaving in the middle of August. She couldn't afford to waste time when days were getting so precious. The next step was to be determined.
She valued her kisses and who they were with, she didn't just throw them out like she would a hug. She saved them for special times, times when she felt was right. Before, she didn't feel very comfortable kissing him, though she could plainly tell he wanted to kiss her badly. She felt that she would be looked down upon and that she would feel guilty. But those feelings began to fade away as the desire to kiss him grew and grew. When one day, after a series of dreams she had ABOUT kissing him, she decided, and told him one night as they were talking on facebook that she felt like she was ready to kiss him, and the next day, June 20th he came over to her house and just before an approaching storm was about to hit she and him were walking out of the pool to go inside when they turned to the side of the house she slid around to face him and kissed him underneath the dim light of the shop behind them. It was magical, leaving them both glowing with joy.
It was an amazing night for her, and it ended well. He gave her an even longer, better goodnight's kiss as he was leaving to go home, right after the storm had left.
The next day they had plans to go to the beach together, her mom and Dad decided to let her go alone, seeing that they could trust them more now. She would have never even dreamed that that sunday would be the day that everything fell. After a day so great, where he was showing his affection like he had never shown it before. He ended it the next day with a string of unexpected events. Simple, yet so complex. Senseless, yes sense had everything to do with it. Tactless, yet agile at the same time.  Everything was twisting and turning, sickening her to the point of depression.

And here she is today, every footstep she takes, every road she drives on, every word spoken, or event heard, it's like watching a movie of the past. Something one way or another reminds her of him, or comes straight back to him. She sees him getting piercings, she sees him signing up for his classes at the college, she sees him moving on without her. And yet here she is, laying on her bed looking at her laptop screen just waiting for him to message her and tell her 'I want you back'. Here she is crying on her pillow as if her tears would form his face, here she is looking at all of those pictures on her iPod of them together and wondering how something so wonderful could get thrown away so easily. It wasn't fair to her. How come he can move on so easily and she is the one getting left with the scraps? Something inside of her was saying that it was just pictures, they can mean anything. Pictures are only a small snapshot out of the entire reel of our life. Just because he is doing something exciting, doesn't mean he's doing that every day. He could be in the same rut as she is, but only on the other side, where they can't hear each other calling out for one another.
“God I hate this!” she groaned, throwing her hand down on her laptop, waking it up. Her eyes remained closed until she noticed the light from her computer shining again. She was planning on just giving up and closing it down when she noticed a little green dot beside his name indicating that he was active, almost immediately afterward she averted her attention to three smaller gray words at the bottom of the chat box saying...

Walker is typing...

Her heart skipped a beat when she heard the familiar 'bloop' of the facebook messenger, indicating that she had a message. Slowly her eyes scanned the small message she had just received. It read;

“Hey babe...I need to talk to you...please”

She smiled and began to tear up, but this time, it wasn't sad tears, or tears of hurt. It was tears of happiness, and hope. Two feelings she hadn't felt in a very long time...
My third person story about myself. How things began and ended in this summer of heartache.  This is all true. 
© 2014 - 2024 InterstellarColonel
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