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Our StoryShe poised her finger at the keyboard to type three letters “Hey.” Nothing was harder than gathering up that courage to type those three single letters. It wasn't just a greeting, it was a test, a test to see if she was strong enough to talk to him after four weeks...'four weeks' she thought, had it really been that short of a time ago? It felt as if she hadn't laid eyes on him in a year! Was that a good or bad thing? She didn't know.
It had been torture for her these last four weeks. Almost every step she took was a memory of him, or of them. She wasn't able to sit on their favorite chair for the first week because when she looked at it, she saw him, laying there smiling at her and gesturing for her to lay with him and cuddle. His sweet voice echoing in her ears “you're so beautiful babe, don't let anyone ever tell you different” she could just hear his voice calling her “babe” all the time.
Sometimes she would look outside where he always used to p
Minuets to daysEvery step I take
its some kind of memory
and every move I make
you get the best of me
Can you tell me now?
I am sitting here waiting for you
watching this empty road
time barely shows
it seems like its years ago
when we both took this blow
Underneath the influence of your drug
your eyes, your arms, your heartbeat
driving in the rain, without any signs in front of my eyes
lights are out and the sun is dim
I can't seem to find my way again
looking for some hope to cling on to
but in the end, someones pushing me down
underneath the sky I wait for you
but its everyday
nothing is happening and I'm slowly giving up
no one is helping
I'm on the ground
bitching a moaning without a sound
still holding on desperately to this reality
that you're coming back to me
raindrops pound on my head
they sound like the voice of god
I keep having feelings
my mind wont stop reeling
is this false
or is it just my mind?
I'm giving everything that I will take
to make you realize you made a mistake
RadioI wanna scream out like an animal
so that the words get lost like sand
and the pain that I am feeling
is lost beyond it's stand
If you wanna see something crumble
just look beneath your hand
I'm slowly sinking towards you
I hope you understand
I feel caged up and empty
I feel pressed down to my knees
I'm begging for some comfort
I'm screaming out, please!
Ribbons flowing from my mind
fly loosely around these memories
something isn't working right
I'm trying to grasp the fact that you've left me
Why did it have to end this way?
I hope you feel my pain everyday
Please don't leave me alone
please, I need you to take me home
The outside worldFar beyond these walls
is flaming water, frozen earth!
snow-white plains of sand!
A world out there we could never see
and would never understand
the outside world
full of fears and wonder
letting out roars that is louder than thunder
caged like an animal
herded and shushed
living in ignorance
about to bust
you knew that hell was one step beyond these walls
you always believed and you stood up tall
you were impulsive, but desired.
so why did you want to go?
burn tall like a fire
in the face of a monster
humanity fades away
way beyond the walls
lies a danger we don't understand
Like the vast ocean waiting
to be discovered by man
Far beyond these walls
is flaming water, frozen earth!
snow-white plains of sand!
A world out there we could never see
and will never understand
When you're goneBeautiful eyes
stare deep into my soul
I cannot disguise
what lies beyond the road
and way be fore my life
I knew you in the past
open your eyes and see right
through the glass
I'm gonna miss you when you leave me behind
cause all I wanted was for you to be mine
don't go away
I'm gonna cry everyday
cause nothing hurts more
than closing this door
and watching you walk away
look into my eyes and tell me how you feel
cause when you're in demise
I promise you, I'm here
look into the past and reach for my hand
cause when you call my name
I'm always on demand
I'm gonna miss you and your sugary touch
every glance you give me,
every single rush
don't forget what we had
even if it wasn't much
remember when you're sad
that doesn't mean you're crushed
it's that you're strong enough to let go
I’ll search the world but I'll never find another you
time to say goodbye and see a different view
but even with our backs turned
we still feel each other there
time to close the wall to our few
Within your eyesLost within a reality
buried deep beneath a desire
a glimmering of a fire
burns beneath my stare
my skin years for your touch
and my daily dose of love
I'm addicted to you baby
you're my own addicting drug
our eyes behold each other
within deep entrancing stares
and though it lasts a short while
I know there's something there
I can't get past your presence
your confidence or care
but I feed off of every ounce of it
I'm in love with you, I swear
though there is a wall set up
a time allotted space
we don't let that through us
until its time to face
I know I'm getting sucked in
when I know that I cannot
but I'm desperate, scared and broken
and you are all I got
I was abused and I was broken
I was torn to bits and shreds
and sill I let it through me
until you hit me on the head
and when the time does come
I’ll look into your eyes
and tell you that I loved you,
but sadly, it's goodbye.
We dreamOur dream relationship
We write about them in our stories
we dream about them in the day
we try to figure out, when the right one comes our way
we have this understanding
that our love must be true
we have this whole obsession
that one day, he'll come too
we have this sweet connection
we have these perfect eyes
that when it falls to pieces
its one thing we despise
we give them false aspirations
we sometimes treat unfair
when all that we have “given” them
isn't really there
but when we give our hearts
and treat them like a god
just like a homeless dog
when suddenly we're useless
and suddenly we're cruel
when suddenly we realize
that we are just a tool
we wonder if they loved us
we begin to doubt ourselves
we begin to take it personally
and hit below the belt
when all we want is him
just to look into his eyes
just to hand and find our purpose
just to reach and touch the skies
we wonder if he's out there
we want him to come soon
to reach out and grab us
out of our eternal mons
A baring of the insideArmed with nonexistent words
and elaborate pixy dust
come and hold my hand
to a world you'll learn to trust
A baring of the inside
swirling words and phrases
undefined, ripped pages
a tongue of different ages
talking walls and crying clouds
come to life
a worlds where people's dreams
come to final sight
the pendulum hands shake your own
time is your friend now, time is yours to own
shh, keep this a secret
don't tell them about this place
they'll try to take it from us
they'll have to fight us face to face
a baring of the inside
you can choose to understand
or maybe even enter,
in all. I'm who I am.
NightmareLocked in by your own mind
minuets slipping, melting time
tossing and turning
eyes are churning
truing to find someway out
stepping on fragile glass
reality slipping in at last
wanting nothing but somewhere there
to hold you close, squeeze out the scare
to cast away the burned in frights
that haunted you throughout the night
the empty silence
makes it harder to forget
it slips in like the silent death
that hides his face from light and goodness
when all he does, is leave you bruises
the nightmare comes in steady flows
to make it seem it comes and goes
that fear you feel
and waking up
you finally escape
away from that cursed, retched place
but still memories slip right in
and you realize, its just pretend
the mind you see
is a funny thing
one minuet is yours
the other, no key
it's a confusion work
a piece of art
but can drill a hole
deep in your heart
it can burn in your eyes
and run through your blood
I Tear My Skin AwayI Tear My Skin Away
I tear this skin from my body,
Even if the world screams,
That I am only an illusion.
I tear the bones from my legs,
Through pain, I will grow,
Through suffering, I will become.
I rip the muscles from my arms,
These teeth from my jaws...
And with nothing upon me,
I carry on...
Like a broken puppet, still shivering,
Still forcing its way through the darkness;
I tremble for I am nothing...
And yet, I am moving. My voice still screams...
I draw breath into these tired lungs,
As I rip the flesh away...
And I shatter these mirrors before me,
With a voice that will not break:
Because the world cannot label me as nothing,
And I will live for my own sake!
"So tell me, is that all the pain you've got for me?"
Those Green Eyes (Or: Don't Lie to Your Kid)Those green eyes -
The green of joy
The green of hope
The green of love and acceptance -
Were always full of lies.
They first lied when I said,
After a nightmare at four am
When I was too small to reach a light switch,
“Will you ever leave me?”
And those eyes said,
Why did those green eyes
Shut when I needed them most?
"Are you okay?"
Would be a red line
That I would etch into myself
Those green eyes melted.
Those green eyes did shine
And I knew what it was -
I was young, not stupid -
But I indulged the lie,
For those green eyes.
"Will it get better?"
I asked one sunny Saturday
At ten in the morning
And those green eyes looked away;
“And you’ll be here forever?”
There were no words.
I made up my own affirmative.
Those green eyes -
When they saw
How I’d rubbed myself raw
You're beautifulPlease eat.
Are you listening to me?
If you are,
I want to tell you.
You re beautiful.
It doesn't matter what you weigh,
you shouldn't feel guilty about what you ate.
It doesn't matter,
I promise you things will get better.
Listen to my words,
Hold my hand.
Don't worry about the rest of the world,
It's okay if they don't understand,
How it feels like,
To feel fat,
To feel ugly,
To feel worthless.
You are none of those things.
It s okay to be chubby,
It s okay to be skinny.
Because you have a big heart.
And your smile,
Is like a priceless work of art.
And I don't want to see you destroy,
Because you're more than just a broken toy.
And to everyone else,
So for once let yourself be,
Accept your reflection.
Because you are the definition of perfection.
So don't worry,
Don't be sorry,
To be who you are.
Because you re,
notes on a matchbook love.if I were the type
to say how I really felt,
I'd tell you that
I hope you choke on your apologies
like they're arsenic
and your nails are already
with the poison.
I'd let you know
that I'll never be a body
for you to touch
just because I know that's all you want.
I'll never be a fairy in a bottle
at your waist.
this is no storybook, and
I am no myth.
hear my silence,
feel the cold absence
respond to your weak "I'm sorry"s.
I beg you,
stop digging the hole,
stop, just stop.
Hush and watch the flames
engulf the image you sold me.
you can tell me
I'm beautiful as much
as you want,
but I know that it's not enough,
that you'll always want more,
that you've been a wolf
between my legs all this time
and my fingers are bruised
from holding the leash.
now every time you whisper
"please be okay",
I will always tell you that
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
I will forever pretend
that I've grown up from you,
that I've become a mystery
What is Hope?Hope is something we have as children,
It helps us thrive and try our hardest.
Hope is what we express in the worst of times
When all hope seems lost.
Hope is what people possess in life
To work toward our dreams.
Hope is a lie
That's not worth our time.
I Know You're Strong, Let's Be Stronger TogetherI Know You're Strong, Let's Be Stronger Together
if i’m being completely honest,
i can’t say i know what you’re goin’ through.
and if i’m being frank,
i’m sort of afraid to write this
because i’ve always been unsure
if i love too much but it’s my nature
and i’d rather lose by trying too hard
than to do so without doing enough.
i hope you’re asleep now
and i hope you don’t read this
till the morning and i hope by then
things will be a little lighter
but i’m hoping against hope
because if you don’t know,
i feel when things are off.
call it intuition, call it a feelin’,
say i just know it.
my friend, my door is always open
even when you’re feeling closed
off to the world and right there,
i can understand that feeling well,
because i still feel we relate to one another
better than most brothers understand their sisters.
know i look at you as a sibling
and i believe we know when the other
I miss youYou are a ghost in my head
Living, yet you haunt my thoughts today
To speak your name
Would be to desecrate this space
Where you are, I should not care to know
But you are a never-healing wound
An unfulfilled promise
A chance to do no wrong
My memories burn with your taste, your touch, your smell
Who have I become?
Too long have the years been to me
To find myself wishing for the crossroads
For the chance to say no, one more time.
AnxietyAnxiety tapping on my door,
"Can I come inside your head?"
I shiver, not ready for its visit.
It charges in, smelling of worry.
Spends a morning, afternoon and night,
playing with my emotions.
A marionette dancing its old tune on rough strings.
Leaves me winded and praying to beat it the next time.
I'm In HereI'm in here
can anybody see me?
Can anybody help?
I'm a prisoner in my own body
A wish against a will
I can't seem to get to their side
To them, I only want to kill
My guilt out ways my victory.
my victory's a sin
I can not even tell you
and I don't know where to begin
I'm left alone in sorrows
I'm about to loose my head
I'm in the middle, as always
Sometimes I wish to be dead
Can anybody find us?
Is there a compass to who we are?
Which one of us is the real one?
Which one will take us far?
I'm silent to the others
but inside I'm screaming loud
I'm begging for forgiveness
I'm calling out aloud
An enemy to thousands
a death wish from one
a friend became a nemesis
who is this monster i've become
Can anybody see me?
Can anybody help?
Look inside and find the real one
the one you've always felt
They tell me I'm a murderer
They scream it in my face
like I'm supposed to choke when swallowing it
Like I have killed the human race
I know the sins I've committed
and I know that they are mad
Keep in Touch!
scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More